


Live and Love

by inner_tempest



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 09:36:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15434154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inner_tempest/pseuds/inner_tempest
Summary: Allies can be found in the strangest of places.





	Live and Love

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Marianne!
> 
> I needed a little break from writing In The Aftermath, and I really liked Marianne's prompt about Betsey and Sonny. I guess I sort of just ran with it. At any rate, I enjoyed writing it more than I thought I would. So thank you for this prompt!
> 
> Halcyon and the boys (and Betsey and Sonny!) are not mine, sadly. I just like having fun with them and such.

Adil didn’t spend much time in the back staff room, as he was usually quite busy working the bar. But sometimes he did enjoy a moment to breathe there, especially if Betsey and Sonny were around. The two of them were very entertaining, and always made for a good time to relax. Not that Adil didn’t like most of the Halcyon staff. Over the years working as head barman, he had spent time with a lot of people. And as someone so personable, he enjoyed that. But Betsey and Sonny were amusing in their ways, and in many ways, Adil could connect with them.

Sonny always felt like…something of a kindred spirit to Adil. They were both strangers in a strange land, constantly judged for the color of their skin and distant accents. It was something that most people couldn’t understand, and Adil definitely appreciated the fact that there was someone else like that at the Halcyon. Adil liked his sense of humor…how kind and good hearted Sonny was, and Adil was pretty sure he felt the same way about having someone to relate to there.

Betsey was larger than life. She always knew how to make Adil laugh, and often teased him like a sister would. Adil didn’t mind…it was nice to have _that_ sort of relationship as well. But she was also very kind, and had lent a listening ear to Adil on quite a few occasions. There were many times where Adil had considered telling her about Toby. About any of that. But it was safer to keep his mouth shut, so that was what he did. Despite her airs, Betsey could also be extremely perceptive.

And that was what Adil walked into when he entered the staff back room, just needing a moment to sit down. Tom was watching the bar for a bit, and Adil just needed to breathe. He should have known Betsey would do this…he had felt it building up for some time. Adil could see it in her looks, the set of her face. She could definitely tell _something_ was going on.

“So who’s this woman you’re sweet on?” Betsey drilled as soon as Adil came in. She had been wanting to ask for ages, but had not gotten the chance. An empty staff room was perfect for figuring out who was in Adil’s life.

“Hello to you, too,” Adil shook his head. “What makes you think there’s someone?”

“I know what these things look like, love,” she smirked slightly. “And there’s definitely a woman in your life.”

Adil just gave a noncommittal shrug, sitting down. “Why are you so convinced there’s a woman?”

“As if I’ve never seen someone so lovestruck!”

At that moment, Toby came into the staff room. He glanced at Adil quickly, then to Betsey. “Oh…hello.”

“Can we help you, Mr. Hamilton?” Adil asked, eyebrow raised.

“I was just looking for you, Mr. Joshi,” Toby said evenly. “Tom said you had come down here for a moment.”

Adil stood, following Toby out the door. Betsey’s eyebrows furrowed as she watched them, suddenly realizing something. But it… _couldn’t_ be…Adil and Mr. Hamilton? It was nearly laughable.

But when Adil came back into the staff lounge, he was practically glowing.

“Adil-”

“I have to get back up there,” Adil glanced at his watch. Betsey could tell, even with the man’s dark skin, that he was blushing. “I’ll see you later, Betsey.”

“Goodbye, Adil.”

***

From the stage, Betsey could see everything in the Halcyon lounge. Sure, most of the time she was singing, but there were always breaks, and moments when she caught sight of something she probably wasn’t meant to.

Like Toby Hamilton’s fingers running over Adil’s as he passed him a drink…the look they exchanged.

Adil was _clearly_ not sweet on a woman. He was sweet on Toby Hamilton. And it _definitely_ looked like it was reciprocated.

Betsey was sure to keep an eye on them all night. She supposed they thought they were terribly discreet, though she also supposed they _might_ have been and she was just seeing things because she was watching, analyzing everything before her. The way both of them would lean a _bit_ too close to each other at times. The way Toby always let his fingers trail over Adil’s when a new drink was handed over. The way they looked at each other…stolen glances in the chaos of the lounge and bar.

When Adil slipped out, probably to grab more bottles, Betsey motioned to Sonny to play an instrumental piece and followed the barman down to the cellars.

“Adil.”

Adil, who was reaching for a bottle of gin on a higher shelf, jumped slightly. “Betsey? What are you doing down here?”

Betsey had a wide smile on her face, making Adil feel slightly wary. “You know…I can see a lot from the stage. The entire bar and lounge.”

Adil’s eyes widened. He held the bottle of gin tight. “I’m sure you can.”

“I can see things that no one else can see.”

Trying to get a feel for the atmosphere of this talk, Adil looked down. “Must be interesting up there,” he finally choked out.

“It’s not a woman, is it?”

Hesitantly, Adil shook his head ‘no’.

“It’s a man, isn’t it?”

Slowly, Adil nodded ‘yes’, still staring at the ground.

“It’s Toby Hamilton, isn’t it?”

Adil nodded again. He finally looked up. “Betsey…please…you can’t tell anyone. It would ruin him. _Please_.”

“Oh love, I’m not going to tell anyone,” Betsey smiled warmly. “I’m quite glad I’ve gotten to the bottom of this mystery, though.”

Adil took a deep breath. “Thank you,” he whispered, not entirely trusting his voice.

At that moment, Sonny stuck his head back from the stage entrance. “Need you out here, Bets,” he called.

Although Adil was still quite terrified that Betsey had discovered him, he was definitely relieved that their secret was kept.

Betsey looked at Adil. “We are _not_ done with this conversation,” she said slyly before going on to return to the stage.

Adil supposed, if anyone was to find out about him and Toby, Betsey was a pretty safe person. After all, he suspected there was something going on between her and Sonny. And although they didn’t stand the risk of jail or deportation or major public scandal that Mr. Hamilton was carrying on with male staff, Betsey and Sonny faced plenty of adversities of their own. And even in their short conversation, Adil got the feeling that Betsey was just fine with his and Toby’s relationship. It certainly felt that way.

“Adil, did you get the gin?” Adil heard Tom call down to him.

“Yes…I’m coming,” Adil took some deep breaths. He trusted Betsey, but he was also a bit rattled. How could he not be? He just had to compose himself for a moment. Maybe find a way to tell Toby what was going on. Adil knew Toby tended to fly into a panic at the smallest of things, so he’d have to handle it gently. The last thing any of them needed was Toby freaking out.

Going back up to the bar, Toby was waiting with a smile. The bar was busy, so at least a few words could be exchanged. “Is everything okay?” Toby’s smiled melted into one of concern as he noticed Adil shaking slightly.

“Everything is fine,” Adil promised, pouring another whisky for Toby. “I’ll tell you later tonight, okay?”

“I’ll be sure to call for room service,” Toby teased. Adil rolled his eyes.

Thank God no one was paying attention to the two of them…except maybe Betsey on stage.

Now that Adil was clued in, he noticed how Betsey’s glance would occasionally grace him and Toby. Adil figured that, with all that and her keen perception, it wasn’t much of a surprise that she figured them out. And the more he thought about it, the better Adil felt. It was sort of…nice that someone else knew their secret. Maybe it wouldn’t feel so… _lonely_.

And maybe it would be okay to tell Sonny as well. Adil had the feeling he would be just as supportive as Betsey.

They’d cross that bridge when they got there.

In the meantime, Adil worked out his shift, Toby leaving the lounge as Adil started finishing up. Last calls, less people hanging around. Toby winked at his lover on his way out, making Adil flush.

The things that Toby Hamilton could do to him without even realizing. Adil wouldn’t change things for the world.

***

Toby had told Adil over and over not to knock on his room door. But Adil knew that was the romantic in his lover. Not to mention Toby hated the class difference. He had had many vehement rants about how _much_ he hated it. But if anyone was to see Adil go into Toby’s room without knocking, they would definitely be in trouble.

So Adil knocked on the door, as always, balancing a tray with whisky and two glasses. It was always good to have an excuse like that…Mr. Hamilton ordering room service and Adil being the one to bring it up. It was a bit confusing at times…Tom had asked a handful of times if Adil would like _him_ to do the room service. Adil waved him off, promising it wasn’t a problem.

The door opened. Toby already had his nightshirt and robe on. He beamed at Adil, ushering him in. Adil barely had time to put the tray down before Toby was kissing him deeply, needing Adil’s lips more than air. They kissed lazily for a bit, and as Toby went for Adil’s clothing, the barman pushed him back slightly, holding onto his elbows.

When Betsey first revealed that she knew, Adil had tried to think of a way to tell Toby without him panicking. But he truly had no idea how to properly address it. It had turned into one of those things that he was just going to wing.

“Toby,” Adil led his lover over to the bed. “I need to talk to you about something.”

The color drained from Toby’s face, and he looked pretty scared at that.

“You’re not leaving me?” he blurted out.

“ _God_ , no, Toby,” Adil laughed, sitting beside Toby on the bed and putting his arms around him. “But…you need to try and stay calm, okay?”

Toby raised an eyebrow. “Has someone…has someone found out?”

Adil nodded. “Betsey caught on. She’s been bothering me for ages about having a secret girlfriend, but tonight, she…” Adil took a deep breath, rubbing little circles on Toby’s back to keep him calm. He had learned that helped his lover greatly. “She figured it out…and she’s not going to tell anyone, but…you should know.”

Toby looked terrified. “She’s really not going to tell anyone?”

“She’s not. She was quite satisfied to…er…how did she put it…‘quite glad I’ve gotten to the bottom of this mystery’. I trust her, Toby. I think we can both trust her.”

Toby didn’t look too reassured. He had never had much interaction with Betsey, but he had heard Emma talk about how she lived for gossip. And this was the story of a lifetime. “Adil…” Toby took a shaky breath. “If you…if you trust her, than I do too,” his eyebrows furrowed. “Does this mean we have to tell Sonny, too?

Adil laughed. “If you want.”

Adil was proud that Toby wasn’t panicking over this. He could tell his lover was incredibly nervous about it all, but he trusted Adil, and if Adil thought Betsey could be trusted, than Toby trusted _Adil_. “I guess it is nice to have some people on our side,” Toby said softly, taking some deep breaths. That, along with Adil rubbing his back, was helping him stay calm, even if it was a bit scary. “Not having to keep this from _everyone_.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Adil chuckled lovingly. “And not fly into a panic.”

Toby laughed. “Honestly…I’m coming a bit close,” he burrowed in closer to Adil’s arms. “But like I said…if you trust her, than I do too. And…I’d be okay telling Sonny.”

Adil beamed at Toby. He had gotten so brave over their time together…willing to open up a bit. Personally, Adil didn’t see Sonny as high risk, just as he hadn’t seen Betsey as high risk. These were kind people who just wanted to be there for him. The support was…invaluable. And Adil was definitely grateful for that.

Although he and Toby had only discussed it briefly, all the hiding, all the secrets…it was starting to grate on the two men. Obviously there wasn’t too much they could actually _do_ about it, but this seemed like…some sort of start. People outside of the two of them knowing about the two of them…keeping their secret close as well.

“We can go in as a united front,” Adil smiled, kissing Toby’s temple. “Acknowledge what Betsey knows, tell Sonny…let them see that we have something beautiful.”

Toby chuckled into Adil’s shoulder. “We _do_ have something beautiful, don’t we?”

“The most beautiful thing ever,” Adil affirmed, turning his head to kiss Toby lightly. “I know you know how to be brave. And I know you can do it again…even if the situation is a bit…daunting.”

“I trust you, Adil.”

Adil grinned, tightening his hold on Toby. “It’s going to be just fine,” he promised. “Honestly…it’ll probably feel better. I _do_ feel better knowing that Betsey knows and she supports what we have.”

Even Toby had to admit that Sonny seemed pretty safe. Betsey still made him a bit nervous, but she also seemed like a person to keep things like this quiet. He didn’t know either of them _that_ well…Toby mostly stayed away from personal relationships with staff, Adil being the exception, of course, but despite this cruel world, maybe there really were some good people out there. People who supported things like homosexual relationships…who could accept things like what he and Adil had. Because Toby and Adil were _so_ much. This relationship was everything to Toby. And there was a risk it could be ruined…Toby knew he was a realist at best, but he supposed he just needed a little blind faith. And with Adil sitting beside him, holding him tight…it made Toby believe there may be a better world for them someday.

“Toby?”

Toby looked up. “Huh?”

“You think too much,” Adil laughed. “You were miles away there.”

Toby grinned guiltily. “I can’t help it,” he said sheepishly.

“Well then maybe I just need to help you forget…”

Adil kissed Toby deeply, pushing him down on the mattress and straddling his hips. Just as his lover promised, Toby forgot, completely caught up in his lover’s lips and what he was doing to his body.

Some things could wait for the morning.

***

The plan was for Toby and Adil to find Betsey and Sonny in the break room, and find a private place to speak with them. When Adil had left Toby in the early hours of the morning, he had been very fidgety and nervous. He hadn’t slept much, and Adil was a tad bit worried for his lover.

“We don’t have to do this,” Adil whispered against Toby’s lips.

“I want to. It’s fine.”

“Toby-”

“I promise, Adil. I’m just a bit nervous, that’s all.”

Adil knew what _nervous_ looked like for Toby, and this was a bit beyond that. He supposed he couldn’t blame him. They were both taking a big risk on Betsey and Sonny. But Adil had faith it was going to be fine, and he tried to will some of that to Toby. When Adil had slipped out of the room, Toby was pacing, his eyes shut and lips moving, obviously trying to talk himself down from the anxiety.

They had their plan, but Adil was still a bit worried about Toby. He wished he could stay with him, keep him calm until it was time to go through with things, but they both knew better. Adil had to leave early, before the maids came up, and he was hoping that Toby could get a bit of sleep. But he knew his lover… _that_ wasn’t going to happen.

Adil took notice as soon as he saw Betsey arrive at her usual time. He made his way to the staff room, knowing that Toby would be there soon. Adil had made sure to tell him what time Betsey and Sonny typically arrived so he could come down.

A few minutes later, Toby appeared. Adil glanced up at him with a reassuring smile. Betsey watched them with a slight smirk. “The lovebirds,” she said with a laugh. “You make for a cute couple,” she teased.

Toby’s face flushed red. Adil chuckled. “We just wanted to talk,” Adil took the lead, as he was so good at doing. Toby hung back slightly, awkward and uncertain. “And tell Sonny.”

“Oh, Sonny is going to _love_ this,” Betsey laughed.

Right on cue, Sonny came into the room. “Bets, we have a new song to…” he looked from Adil to Toby. “To go over. Mr. Hamilton, is everything okay?”

Toby glanced at Adil who took his hand. No one else was in there…it was safe for now.

“Everything is…” Toby took a deep breath, trying to concentrate on Adil rubbing little circles on his hand with his thumb and just that as not to panic. “Fine,” he said awkwardly.

Sonny followed Betsey’s gaze to Toby and Adil’s hands and he smiled. “I suppose we’re discovering why Mr. Hamilton can’t seem to find a woman,” he laughed.

“Betsey figured us out yesterday,” Adil smiled. “And we were thinking…the more allies, the better.”

Toby was gripping tightly to Adil’s hand. He had never in a million years thought they could share this secret. It had always been the type of thing that he figured would be kept to his room and Adil’s flat forever. No one would ever know, because no one _could_ ever know. But Betsey was obviously keeping their secret and Sonny was just smiling knowingly…Toby could tell he was safe as well.

It helped that Adil was holding his hand tight right back, rubbing circles with his thumb. Along with his deep breaths, Toby thought he was doing a pretty good job of not freaking out.

“You know,” Sonny said with a smile. “I feel like I had noticed already. The pieces are falling into place.”

Sonny was just as perceptive as Betsey, it seemed. And he sounded just as happy for Adil and Toby as Betsey had. It was reassuring, and Toby loosened his grip on Adil’s hand ever so slightly. Adil took that as a good sign…that he was starting to relax about it all. Toby stole a quick glance at Adil, who just smiled warmly.

“Obviously…it has to stay a secret,” Toby said softly.

“I swear your secret is safe with me,” Sonny said reassuringly. “And Betsey, of course.”

Toby let out a heavy breath he didn’t know he was holding. Adil looked over again, his look filled with pride. “Will you give us a moment?” he asked, ushering Toby to a corner of the room. He held his lover’s elbows. “You’re doing so well,” he said, pressing a light kiss to Toby’s lips. “I’m proud of you…and how brave you’re being.”

“I trust you, Adil,” Toby said shyly. “And I know you trust _them_. And you’re right…having some allies is nice. It’s like…existing outside of our little bubble. People knowing and all. People who are going to watch out for us.”

“See…so brave,” Adil kissed Toby lightly again. “And I’m glad you’re not flying into a panic.”

Toby laughed, playing with his signet ring. “I would be if you weren’t here with me.”

“I will _always_ be here with you.”

Toby smiled shyly, about to kiss Adil before more staff started filing into the room. Their hands dropped, and they looked over at Betsey and Sonny, who seemed to be having a secret meeting of their own. Betsey winked and Sonny smiled warmly.

“I better get going before people start questioning why Mr. Hamilton is back here,” Toby chuckled. “Will you come up after your shift?”

“You know nothing can stop me,” Adil laughed. He gave Toby a final loving smile before Toby made his way out. A few of the staff looked over at Toby, obviously confused about why Mr. Hamilton was in the back room, but he disappeared before anyone could really question.

***

It was late when Adil knocked on the door to Toby’s room, holding a tray with coffee. Toby beamed at him as he opened the door, letting Adil place the tray down before pushing him against the wall, kissing him deeply.

“ _Someone_ is in a good mood,” Adil laughed.

“I feel…I don’t know, lighter, I suppose,” Toby grinned. “That it’s not just _our_ secret anymore. That people we can trust know.”

Adil laughed. “You’ve been thinking about it all day, haven’t you been?”

“Of course I have been! And I’ll be thinking about it all day at work tomorrow, too,” Toby laughed. “I know I was scared and wary at first, but now I feel…sort of relieved, honestly. I mean, if either of them had said anything, the police would have come already.”

“Sometimes you learn who can be trusted in the strangest of circumstances,” Adil mused. “You’re right about feeling lighter, though.”

Toby leaned in to kiss Adil again. “Thank you,” he said softly against his lover’s lips.

“For what?”

“Helping me be brave. Pushing me to be in a circumstance like that and come out on top.”

“Oh, Toby,” Adil laughed. “The bravery was there. You just needed to find it within yourself.”

Toby laughed. “You say that…but I don’t think I’m a particularly brave person. I couldn’t have done it without you. Really.”

“You never give yourself enough credit,” Adil rolled his eyes. “You need to stop that.”

Toby kissed Adil deeply. “I _guess_ I can believe you,” he chuckled.

Adil laughed, pulling Toby over to the bed by his tie. “And I _guess_ I can reward you for your efforts.”

After making love, the two men lay together, facing each other, legs tangled together. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Toby whispered. “Don’t _ever_ leave me.”

“I promise,” Adil pressed a light kiss to Toby’s lips. “For as long as you’ll have me.”

Toby beamed before yawning. “Forever, Adil Joshi,” he yawned again, nodding off to sleep.

“It’s your’s, Toby Hamilton,” Adil whispered as Toby curled in close, nodding off against the other man.

Adil held him tight. He thought about everything that had transpired that morning with Betsey and Sonny. Their secret was safe, and Toby hadn’t flown into a panic. And as he felt Toby falling asleep in his arms, Adil couldn’t imagine things could be _better_. They had everything they needed for now. Their relationship, allies who would keep their secret close.

How things could change in just a few days!

Toby’s sleepy breathing comforted Adil, and soon enough, his brain stopped whirring and he too fell asleep, knowing there was nothing better in this world.

***

Since Betsey and Sonny had found out about Adil and Toby’s relationship, Adil had struck up much more of a friendship with them. He had always sort of…kept to himself, but he was finding he was enjoying their company.

But nothing was perfect.

Adil thought to the conversation he had had with Mr. D’Abberville. Stealing from Toby was the worst feeling Adil had ever experienced. He felt like a fake, putting on airs for the man he loved only to root through his briefcase every time Toby left the room. But the fear of what Mr. D’Abberville could do to him…to his _family_ …to _Toby_ …there was no way out.

Sitting in the back room, Adil waited for Betsey and Sonny to arrive. Obviously, he couldn’t tell them about the blackmail…it would ruin everything he was trying to maintain, but he needed to talk to them…even if it was in riddles. There wasn’t anyone else he could go to…definitely not Toby, who would dismiss him in a heartbeat once he found out. But Betsey and Sonny seemed…safe in a way.

The two came in together, bantering back and forth. Adil knew _their_ relationship had changed as well, and they were now seeing each other. They had to keep it quiet almost as much as Toby and Adil did.

Not that they would be Toby and Adil when this came to light. Because sooner or later, it was going to. Adil knew that for a fact. And he was going to lose Toby. He only hoped he could save his family and Toby along the way. Even if Toby broke up with him, he would be safe from ruin.

“Adil?” Betsey came over to him, looking extremely concerned. Adil was sure he looked a fright, even with his carefully done exterior. “Adil, what’s wrong?”

“Would you…would you do something bad…something _very_ bad to protect the people you love?” Adil asked softly.

Betsey and Sonny exchanged a glance. “I suppose so,” Betsey said carefully. “How bad are we talking, here?”

Adil let out a strangled sob. “Very bad.”

“What’s going on, Adil?” Sonny asked with concern. “Are you in trouble? Does it have to do with Toby?”

Adil gave a noncommittal shrug.

“Can we help?”

Adil shook his head.

“Did you guys break up?”

Adil shook his head again, though inside, he almost wished it was that easy. “Adil…” Betsey looked so concerned. “We can’t help you if-”

“No one can help me…” Adil forced a smile onto his face. “It’s silly. It’s nothing to worry about. Forget it.”

He wanted to tell them. He wanted to tell them so bad. After all this time, they had kept his and Toby’s secrets to themselves, as they had promised. This secret was too much, though…Adil had to keep it to himself. Too many people faced ruin if he let anything slip.

“It doesn’t look like nothing to worry about,” Sonny said with a raised eyebrow.

Adil thought back to that morning. He had stayed with Toby again, something he was trying to do more now that there was a possibility he would lose the man he loved soon. The alarm had gone off at 5am, as it always did when Adil spent the night so he could avoid the maids coming up. Toby had grumbled something about how Adil should just _stay_ , and the two had shared a chaste kiss before Toby had gone back to sleep and Adil had gone to the man’s briefcase and copied down some more information.

Toby trusted Adil implicitly, and Adil was ruining that every time he opened the briefcase flap.

“A fight,” Adil finally said. “That’s all. Things will be back to normal in no time,” he hoped he sounded convincing enough.

Betsey and Sonny exchanged a look, but didn’t say anything.

“Well…you can always come to us,” Betsey finally said. “Whatever it is…that’s why we’re here, right?”

Adil’s smile was forced and ugly, but it was all he could manage. He stood. “I should be getting to the bar,” he said, trying to sound normal. “Have to do counts before we open.”

“Well just let us know if there’s anything we can do,” Betsey called after Adil as he left the staff room.

***

Adil knew it was all going to blow up in his face. How could it not? When he heard about MI5 coming to take Toby away, Adil’s heart broke into a million pieces. Whatever was going to happen there, Adil knew their time was up. It was only a matter of time before he was pulled away himself, as a traitor.

And he knew the consequence for treason.

In trying to save Toby from ruin, Adil had wrecked both their lives spectacularly.

When Toby had been released and ordered room service from Adil, Adil was hoping beyond all hope…but he knew there was no winning. He finally had to tell Toby about the blackmail. And it killed him, seeing the tears in Toby’s eyes when he asked if that was what their relationship had been about.

Adil had never told Toby he loved him, and Toby had never said it either. Maybe it was just a symptom of a relationship that was pretty much doomed from the start. Besides, servants had fallen in love with the masters countless times throughout history. Adil was well aware of this. No matter how Toby was with him, that was essentially all it was. Adil knew that eventually, Toby would move on from him.

Saying it made it real, even with the situation. And though Toby lost his temper at Adil, going to talk to Mr. D’Abberville, Adil knew what was supposed to come after _‘I trusted you, and I…’_

Toby was going to tell Adil he loved him. But Adil had ruined everything, and now he realized he would never hear those words. He would hang knowing that Toby loved him, but would never say it.

Life at the Halcyon got nearly unbearable after that. Toby avoided him at every turn, and Mr. D’Abberville popped up everywhere. Some place that used to be _safe_ …used to be _home_ , just wasn’t any longer.

And Adil had no one to talk to. He was sure gossip had spread. Even Betsey and Sonny kept their distance, though Adil didn’t know if that was because of what they heard or the fact that Adil was getting more and more snappy with people. Everything Adil had treasured was ruined. And he had no one to blame but himself.

His final talk with Toby was the nail in his coffin. The fact that Toby claimed he was disgusted with what they had done was bad enough. All the kisses and embraces…discovering each others’ bodies and making love. The way they held hands under cover of darkness…their trust of Betsey and Sonny who could see _so_ much about the relationship.

It was a lot to be disgusted by, Adil supposed. What proper man _wouldn’t_ be disgusted from engaging in homosexual acts? Obviously Adil had corrupted a pure soul.

Toby wanted Adil to disappear? He could do that much. Toby could find a beautiful wife and have beautiful children. He could forget the three months where he had been coerced into homosexual acts. Adil would disappear for good…because even if Toby was disgusted by it all, Adil knew he couldn’t go on without his former lover. Everything he felt for Toby was too strong. Why continue living with a shattered heart?

And anyway, doing the deed himself would save him from the humility and shame of the noose. He wouldn’t have to see any leering faces in the crowd before he dropped.

***

Before he left the Halcyon for the last time, Adil went to seek out Betsey and Sonny. He wanted to thank them for everything they had done. He wanted apologize for putting them in that position. And he wanted to say goodbye to two friendly faces. Two people who had stood unwaveringly by his side.

Adil found them alone in the staff room, curled up together on a sofa. With a deep breath, he came in. Two sets of eyes searched him, filled with concern and a small amount of pity.

“Adil-” Betsey stood. Even though he had been keeping the two of them away, it was obvious they still cared. “Are you-”

“I’m leaving the Halcyon tonight,” Adil said softly.

Sonny came to stand beside Betsey. “You can’t do that, Adil. I know you…” he glanced at Betsey. “Don’t let this be your defeat,” he finally said firmly.

“It’s not my defeat,” Adil lied, almost hoping they saw through his words. “There’s no place for me here. I’ll move on to another hotel or bar. It’s just…time to leave.”

Betsey looked devastated. She pulled Adil into a hug. “You can work it out with him, Adil.”

Adil couldn’t tell them about the earlier conversation. “I can’t, Betsey. It’s time for me to go.”

“We’ll miss you terribly,” Betsey said softly. “Please, promise you’ll keep in touch.”

“Of course,” Adil said. More lies. “You two have done so much for me over the months…I promise it’s not goodbye,” except that it _was_ goodbye. Adil’s whole plan was dependent on lies. It hurt him, but plenty had hurt him over the past week or so.

It would be over soon.

“We care,” Sonny said. “And we _will_ miss you. Everything we’ve done…it was so worth it to see the two of you happy. We would do it all again in a heartbeat.”

“And maybe someday things will be different,” Betsey said with hope. “And the two of you can…you know. Work it out.”

Of course there was no hope for that. If Betsey and Sonny had heard Adil and Toby’s earlier conversation, she wouldn’t be saying that. But Adil figured he could let her have that hope. He would be gone soon, and none of them would have to worry about any of it.

“Perhaps, someday,” Adil forced a smile onto his face. “In the meantime, I just need to disappear for a bit. Thank you Betsey, Sonny. Thank you for everything.”

Betsey gave Adil one last squeeze and Sonny shook his hand. “We’ll speak soon,” Betsey said. “Please tell me we’ll speak soon.”

Adil just nodded. He grabbed a piece of paper and envelope from the desk and went to find a safe place to write his goodbye letter to Toby. He’d leave it with Tom…he trusted the junior barman to make sure it get to Toby safely, and hopefully by the time Adil was already… _gone_.

He took one last look at Betsey and Sonny before leaving. He would be grateful to them until his dying breath.

***

All Adil knew was that all of a sudden, he was breathing. Coughing painfully, but breathing. Why was he breathing? He wasn’t supposed to be breathing.

Toby was hovering above him, tears dripping down his face onto Adil’s. “I love you. I didn’t mean it, _God_ , I thought I lost you, I’m so sorry…I love you. I didn’t mean it, _God_ , I thought I lost you, I’m so sorry…” over and over, like some deranged mantra.

Adil wrapped his arms around Toby as tight as he could manage, feeling Toby’s sobs wracking his body. “Toby-”

“ _God_ , Adil,” Toby sobbed, holding him. “It wasn’t supposed to be…I didn’t mean it…God, I thought I lost you…I’m so sorry…I love you…”

“Why are you here?” Adil demanded weakly. “After everything-”

“I was just trying to keep you safe. After everything got sorted…I was going to get you. Beg for forgiveness. Whatever it took. I read your note…I thought I was too late.”

Adil had another coughing fit, and Toby just held him close, the coughs and sobs shaking both their bodies. “You shouldn’t have come here, Toby,” Adil finally said weakly once the coughing fit had passed.

“I can’t do this without you, Adil. I can’t live in a world without you. I can’t be happy without you. I can’t be Toby without you. I can’t _be_ without you. I’ll do whatever I have to. Please, _please_ don’t leave me. I know what I did was…was so wrong. I made a mistake. But I’ll make it up to you. Every day for the rest of our lives. Just don’t leave me.”

Watching Toby, Adil felt so many emotions. Everything he had been through in the past twenty-four hours. The past couple days. Toby telling him that what they had done disgusted him. Sending him away. In some ways, Adil felt like he shouldn’t forgive Toby. But everything Toby was saying was reflected in his thoughts. Adil couldn’t do this without Toby. He couldn’t live in a world without Toby. He couldn’t be happy without Toby. He couldn’t be Adil without Toby. He couldn’t _be_ without Toby. Wasn’t that why he had done this in the first place?

Things would take time to get back to normal, but it had to start somewhere. And maybe that somewhere was forgiveness.

“I forgive you, Toby,” Adil said softly. “Do you forgive me for what I did?”

“I can only begin to understand why you needed to do it…but I know it was for everyone _except_ you. I should have worked harder to understand.”

Both men were crying and embraced tightly again. “I know we can do this,” Adil whispered in Toby’s ear.

“You’ll come live in the hotel with me,” Toby whispered back. “We’ll figure something out. I can’t ever lose you again. We’ll have Betsey and Sonny to help us with things. They’ll always watch out for us.”

“Toby…” Adil gave a chuckle followed by a cough. “You know we can’t-”

“We _can_ and we _will_.”

Toby didn’t get this stubborn too often, but Adil knew better than to fight him when he did. If Toby thought they could find a way for Adil to live with him, it was definitely going to happen.

“You left the party!” Adil exclaimed, suddenly remembering.

“Getting to you was much more important. I’d rather miss it, anyway.”

“We should clean up a bit and head back. You’ll be missed.”

“I don’t want to,” Toby said petulantly. “I want to stay here with you.”

“I don’t want to go back in there for longer than I have to,” Adil admitted sadly. He knew Toby would understand that one. The gas gauge was only a glance away, and he knew Toby wouldn’t be able to look at the bed without picturing Adil laying there, so close to death.

Toby nodded. “We’ll get cleaned up and head back, then.”

It was with heavy hearts but newfound hope that the two walked into the small flat, hand in hand.

***

Toby and Adil weren’t that far from the Halcyon when they saw something was terribly wrong. There was fire and billowing smoke coming from the building. Toby would have run straight in if Adil wasn’t still so weak. For a moment, they both just stared up at the wreck, mouths agape and eyes wide.

“Oh my God…” Toby finally managed weakly. The two glanced at each other before slowly heading for the building. “Stay outside,” Toby commanded. “You shouldn’t be breathing in the smoke.”

Adil was looking around frantically. “I need to find Betsey and Sonny,” he said, panicked.

“I’ll find them,” Toby promised. “Stay where there’s as much fresh air as possible.”

Although Adil didn’t like it, he knew Toby was right. His lungs had already dealt with the gas from earlier…the smoke from the bombed building was the last thing he needed. He still stayed as close to the building as he could, hiding in the shadows as people rushed around. No one noticed him in the chaos anyway. Adil’s eyes combed the people making their way outside, seeing both familiar and unfamiliar faces. He kept praying for Betsey and Sonny to come out of the building. He saw other staff.

After some time, Toby came out. There were tears in his eyes again, and he embraced Adil tightly.

Adil knew exactly what that meant before Toby said anything.

“Adil…they didn’t make it.”

***

Betsey and Sonny weren’t buried too far from each other. Both their funerals were well attended, as both were very loved. A few days later, when they figured there would be no one there, Toby and Adil went back. The cemetery was empty, so they held hands tightly, first visiting Sonny’s grave and laying out flowers, and then to Betsey’s, laying out flowers there.

“You were right, Betsey,” Adil said softly, staring at Betsey’s tombstone. “We _could_ work it out. And we _did_.”

Adil had told Toby about his final conversation with Betsey and Sonny. Toby wasn’t entirely sure what to say, but tears pricked at his eyes for the two people who had been there and embraced his and Adil’s relationship. Who had kept their secret, and always been there to talk to when they needed it. Toby ran his fingers over the tombstone.

“It’s beautiful here,” Toby said softly. “Perfect for them.”

Adil buried his face in Toby’s shoulder, body shaking with silent sobs. Toby put his arm around him, pulling him close and rubbing his back lightly. He felt the tears falling down his own face, staring at the tombstone covered with flowers before them.

“We have to live for them,” Adil pulled back slightly. Toby ran his hand down Adil’s face. “We have to love for them.”

“After everything they did for us…how could we not?”

Eyes trained forward, Toby and Adil’s hands found each other again, their fingers interlacing. “I can’t believe they’re gone,” Adil said with a sniff.

“They’re not truly gone,” Toby squeezed his lover’s hand. “No one is ever _really_ gone, not if they have people who remember them. And we’ll _always_ remember them. Like you said…we’ll live for them. We’ll love for them.”

Betsey and Sonny, though not in an _illegal_ relationship, had plenty to face as an interracial couple anyway. If anyone could come close to understanding what Adil and Toby had, it was them. And they truly had done so much for Adil and Toby. They had always been there, always had faith, always believed in their love.

There would never be a way to replace _that_.

“Come on,” Adil finally said softly. “I can’t…” he was crying too hard, and Toby was holding him tight. Toby kissed his temple lightly.

“We’ll go have a drink in their honor,” Toby said with a slight smile. “I think they’d appreciate that.”

With a weak laugh, Adil nodded. “I think so, too,” he turned back to the tombstone, running his fingers over the stone. “We’ll visit again soon,” he spoke to the tombstone. “God knows you’d probably haunt me forever if we don’t continue to keep fresh flowers on your grave,” his laugh sounded a big stronger.

“Oh, you _know_ she would,” Toby said with a gurgly laugh. As they headed out of the cemetery, Toby kissed Adil quickly before they rejoined the world that would never accept them. Both men were playing various conversations with Betsey and Sonny over in their mind, remembering their friends, the people who had cared so much for them and what they were.

No one would ever replace Betsey and Sonny. But at the same time, they continued to give Toby and Adil hope. The world wasn’t as cruel as they would have always assumed…and maybe someday there would be a place for them. Betsey and Sonny certainly thought so, and they had never given Toby and Adil to believe differently. And there was the true meaning of living and loving in their memory.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for the kudos and comments. They make me smile. :)


End file.
